


Undateable

by Pokypup49



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Bets, Dates, F/M, Humor, Riza's had enough of Roy, Will Roy get the girl?, just for fun, poor Jean, silly fic, untraditional paring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokypup49/pseuds/Pokypup49
Summary: Roy gets a bet he can't get Rebecca on a second date. Does he?
Relationships: Rebecca Catalina/Roy Mustang
Comments: 7
Kudos: 4





	Undateable

**Author's Note:**

> Before you all get after me about how this is 100% not canon... it was prompted and encouraged by the great Waddiwaiwitch! This is her doing! *Throws friend under the bus* But hey, I've wanted to play around with unconventional parings, so I thought it'd be fun. Just enjoy the humor at least. 
> 
> I do not own any of the FMA characters.

The colonel leaned back in his chair, hoisting his feet onto the desk. He was blatantly smug as he grinned towards his second lieutenant. The lower-ranking officer frowned, chewing on his cigarette frustrated at his loss. The rest of the office’s gaze flowed back and forth between the two, except one, the first lieutenant. She sat with her nose down, rolling her eyes as she edited the latest paper from the colonel. 

“Any girl?” The red-headed officer asked with a raised eyebrow, not buying the colonel’s declaration that he could get any girl to date him.

Colonel Mustang laughed and nodded. “I bet I can.” 

Second Lieutenant Havoc crossed his arms and sunk into his seat. His hand itched to reach for a cigarette but knew he wasn’t allowed to smoke in the office. Instead, he gritted his teeth as his glare seethed upon his ranking officer.

“There has to be one girl out there that won’t date you,” Second Lieutenant Breda, the heavy redhead, laughed. “You can’t be the king of the dating pool.” 

“Do you know of one?” Mustang ran his hand through his hair as his smile glistened in the light from the window. 

Breda sighed and looked at his best friend. “I think you’re at a loss, Havoc,” he mumbled. 

“I know one,” First Lieutenant Hawkeye broke the conversation. She didn’t even bother to look up as everyone’s gaze snapped towards her.

“You do not,” Mustang laughed. 

“I do.” She lifted her head, brushing her bangs to the side. “I will be more than happy to set you up on a date with her.” 

“What do I get if I get a second date with her?” Mustang grinned with all the confidence in the world while Havoc sunk deeper into his chair. 

“I’d say she could date both of you to make it fair-” Breda raised his eyebrow. 

“That’s what’s been goin’ on,” Havoc grumbled. “He keeps winning.” 

Hawkeye put her pen down, looking serious with a straight face. “If you win, then you’d win a second date with her.” 

“You really think that she’s untouchable?” 

Riza nodded. “I think she’s immune to you specifically.” 

Mustang raised his eyebrow. “You can’t tell her to be immune. That’d give me an unfair advantage in your favor.” He rubbed his chin and looked up at the ceiling. “Though I think I could still win if you told her anyway…” 

She giggled at his response as she picked up her pen. “You’re just not her type. I will have her meet you at Gerald’s tomorrow night at 8pm.” 

Roy straightened his chair and sat up straight, looking back at Havoc. “Do you think that I should go in uniform,” he taunted as he pulled at the collar of his uniform and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Havoc opened his mouth to respond and then shut it promptly. He was only going to say things that would get him in trouble professionally. 

“If you lose, of course. Then I get to date the most undateable man.” 

The room fell silent as all eyes grew wide to land on Hawkeye. 

“You want to date me?” Havoc pointed to himself, still processing what was just said. “You don’t even date!” 

“You don’t know that,” she countered quietly. 

“You’re the only one that would turn the colonel down,” Warrant Officer noted. 

Hawkeye put her pen down and turned her head towards Falman. “That’s just military law.” 

“You’d date the colonel!” Sergeant Fury pointed at the highest-ranking officer in the room who sat at his oversized oak desk. 

“He’s handsome, powerful, and has good intentions.” She shrugged. “But I think he’s gloating too much. I’m not who’s going out with him.” 

“It’s also against fraternization law for you to go out with Havoc.” Falman raised his finger. 

Colonel Mustang raised his hand to silence the room. “As the ranking officer, I will allow it, only because I know it won’t happen.” He picked up his own pen. “If I date this woman of yours, Hawkeye, and she declines another date with me, I will allow you, the only woman in the office that doesn’t date-” 

“That’s not what she said,” Breda cut in. 

Mustang snapped his head at his subordinate. “The only woman in the office no one can date,” he corrected himself, “to go out with the only man in the office that can’t get a date.” 

“I get dates,” Havoc grumbled from his spot. 

Riza nodded and looked at Havoc. 

The blond officer looked between his two superiors and blinked. “So my love life is on the line?” 

“I’m not your love life, Second Lieutenant,” she corrected as her gaze went back to her work. “I will just be a neutral candidate as Colonel can’t date me. Therefore, I will be able to judge you based on you, and not against anyone else.” She chuckled. “I might even give you some pointers.” 

“She’s still judging you,” Breda laughed. 

Havoc sighed and pulled out a cigarette from his pocket. “I just want a pretty girl to go to the theatre with…” He jumped from his seat and headed to the door. 

* * *

Hawkeye waited at the door with her jacket over her arm. The sun was shining and it felt refreshing after spending long hours in a room full of stale air and testosterone. She waited patiently, not looking at her watch, but instead watched the baby birds in a tree calling for their mother. 

“Riza!” 

She turned to see her best friend come flying through the doors. “Evening Rebecca. How was the office today?” 

Her friend Rebecca was energetic, loud, and defiant in most incidents that didn’t involve work. She was quite opposite of Riza in that regard. “Same ol’” she waved off the question. “You said you had a favor for me?” 

Riza fell in step next to her best friend as they walked to the end of the walkway and off of base. “I need you to go on a date with the Colonel.” She made her request with a straight face looking straight ahead. 

“Mustang?” Rebecca stopped in her tracks. “What kind of sick joke is this?” 

“I can’t tell you the specifics, but I promised to find him a date for tomorrow.” Riza stopped and switched arms to hold the coat. “Call it a wager and you’re the missing link.”

Rebecca squinted her dark eyes at Riza. “I’m the missing link huh? You can just tell me what you need me to do to win, ya know.” 

Riza laughed and shook her head. “You know that I can’t do that.” 

“You need to learn to break some rules, Woman!” She snorted and looked around, annoyed at the request. “I mean, I’ll do it because I love you. Well.. He is attractive too… but he’s a bit full of himself.” 

“Why do you think you’re going?” Riza giggled. “You just have to go to dinner with him. It’s at 8pm at Gerald’s. It’s late enough that you won’t have to go to a show, or to the bar after. You can just go to dinner with him.” 

“I feel that there is a big story behind this.” Rebecca started walking again. “If I do this, I want the story later.” She pointed her finger at Riza. “And you’re going to give me all the damn details!” 

The blond nodded. “I promise to tell you the story. In the meantime, enjoy the free dinner on Colonel.” 

Rebecca flipped the curly brown hair over her shoulder and grinned. “So, how was your day?” 

“I spent more time listening to Havoc lose another girlfriend than getting any work done.” She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I work with a bunch of teenage boys.” 

“Havoc is pretty nice though.” Rebecca hummed as she rubbed her chin. “I dated him once. We went out and got ice cream at the creamery just on the skirts of town. He knows how to show a girl a good time.” 

Riza tilted her head. “Why didn’t you go out with him again then?” 

She shrugged as she reached in her coat pocket for her car keys. “He’s like a puppy. He will do just about anything for you! And although I would flourish with that much attention, I also need a man that will put his foot down, you know?” She unlocked her car. “I need a man with a backbone.” 

* * *

Colonel Roy Mustang stood outside the restaurant, with the smell of sizzling steaks and bread wafting from the doors. His stomach growled and he looked at his watch. She was late. Or she was playing the “fashionably late” card, testing his limits of forgiveness. It didn’t matter that night, or any night. Roy was perfectly content with playing the gentleman. He was out to treat this untouchable woman a good time. Plus, he only had to get her to go out with him again, and he’d win. Roy grinned, putting his hands in his pockets. She wasn’t a trophy, but he wasn’t going to lose either. 

“Colonel,” he heard behind him. 

Roy turned to see Rebecca Catalina standing behind him. She was dressed in a modest skirt, flowy as it hovered just below her knees. Her blouse was red, showing more neck than he expected, and her brown hair laid chaotically over her shoulders. It was a blatant description of the inner sanctums of Becca’s personality. He was screwed. 

“How are you?” 

Roy didn’t see Rebecca out of work and for a split second he found himself out of words. “Uh,” he tried to regain his composure. “Doing good now that you’re here,” he grinned, coming back to his confident self. “You can call me Roy tonight though.” 

“Well,” Rebecca smiled nicely. “You can cut this shit. I’m not sure what you and Riza are up to, but know that I’m onto the two of you.” She raised her eyebrow, pointing her finger at him. 

Roy blinked a few times before chuckling and turning to lead her to the door. “Fine. But in return, you have to give me an honest chance.” 

Rebecca shifted her weight to one leg. “That’s a fair trade, I suppose.” 

“May I call you Rebecca?” 

She nodded, pulling her purse onto her shoulder, still weary of the situation her friend asked her to be in. 

“Rebecca, let’s enjoy dinner together then.” 

She let him hold the door open for her and she entertained the idea of leaving the ranks there in the doorway. 

Rebecca wasn’t sure what to expect. Of course, she’d guess that he’d be a gentleman, even suave in his own nature. He had a reputation to uphold. It wasn’t attractive to her. Giving him a fair chance was like asking a poodle to herd cattle. However, she’d do as Riza asked and go out with him. It was a free dinner and maybe she’d find out what was so great about him. As she sat down at the table, letting Roy get her chair for her, she had to even wonder if he was going to be extra sweet to her because of this “bet” they had going on. 

Roy thanked the hostess and pulled up his menu. “I wish I would have been able to take you somewhere else, but Gerald’s will have to do.” 

“They have a good ribeye,” Rebecca countered. 

“True.” He hummed. “You like a good steak?” He peered up from his menu. 

“I prefer pasta,” she admitted. “But I won’t turn down a good steak. And Gerald’s does have fantastic house bread.” 

“They do,” he nodded slowly. 

“So did you know it was me that was meeting you?” 

Roy shook his head and put down his menu. “No. I was told just to meet…. Meet someone here.” 

Rebecca nodded, still trying to put the pieces of this mystery together. “Disappointed?” 

Roy shook his head quickly. “Not at all! I’m happy to take you out.” 

Rebecca squinted at him. “I told you to cut the shit, Mustang.” 

He laughed as he leaned back in his seat. “I’m not bullshitting you,” he said easily. “I’m serious.” He turned to look at a waiter. “Are you disappointed?” 

“Surprised,” Rebecca admitted. 

He turned back to look at her. Her blouse was beautiful and Roy wondered that if she knew it was him, then why did she dress so beautifully? “That shirt looks nice on you,” he complimented. “It’s different. I don’t think I’ve really seen you in normal clothes.”

She smirked. “I’ve seen you in a suit more often than you think.” 

“You stalk me?” 

Rebecca laughed. “No. I just see you more than you see me I suppose.” 

He smirked. 

“Can I get you a bottle of wine to start with?” 

The two looked over at their waiter, a young man who looked like he was still in college. He was sporting bright blond hair, slicked back, and gorgeous blue eyes if Rebecca did say so herself. It was too bad that he was a stick figure.

“A bottle of Malbec,” Rebecca answered quickly. 

“Do you know what you’d like,” the waiter then asked as he scribbled on his notepad. 

Roy waved his hand to his date. “I’ve been admiring the lady,” he grinned. “I haven’t had a chance to look at the menu. Rebecca, will you go first?” 

She glared at him for a second. She hadn’t touched her menu and he knew it. He was being a little shit. “I’ll have the ribeye with a baked potato and the vegetable of the night.” 

“Soup or salad for you, Ma’am?” 

“No thank you. But you can bring out some of that fantastic bread,” she gave her menu to the waiter. 

The young man looked over at Roy who hummed. “I suppose I will have the pork chops. He handed the menu to the waiter. “I will also decline on the soup or salad.” 

“Thank you,” the waiter smiled. “I will have that bread out to you shortly. 

Roy turned back to Rebecca. “Honestly, I know nothing about you.” 

She knew enough about Roy to know that he was an upstart with an attitude and a womanizer. 

“Do you have any siblings?” The intertwined his fingers and leaned forward on the table. “Are you from the East?”

She shrugged, looking around in hopes the wine would get there soon. “I’m from Central. Actually, I have a big family. I have six brothers, four of them are adopted though.” 

“Damn,” Roy’s eyes grew. “Six?” 

She nodded. “I’m the youngest.” She leaned back in her seat. “Two of my brothers are by different dads. One of them had two of his own, but apparently didn’t want because my mother adopted them after the divorse. Then she got two more because why not.” Rebecca sighed. “I think that she just wanted a house full of boys.” 

“Where did you come into the mix then?” 

The waiter returned with the bread, Roy instantly grabbing a slice. 

“Mom married my dad, her third husband.” She reached for a slice but Roy put a butter piece in her hand. “I’m the only child from that mix.” 

“Thus the only girl.” 

Rebecca nodded. “It has its perks. I have six large men who are very defensive of me.” 

Roy laughed softly. “I will keep that in mind.” He took a bite of his piece of bread. “But somehow I feel you can take care of yourself.” 

She snorted a laugh. “What about you? You seem like an only child kind of guy.” She took a bite of her buttered bread, putting it nicely on the plate in front of her. 

Roy raised his finger as he finished chewing. “I’m actually the youngest too,” he said softly. “My aunt fosters girls. Kind of like your mom, minus the adoption part. So, I grew up with girls older than me just coming and going.” 

“You lived with your aunt?” 

He nodded. “My parents died when I was really young so she took me in.” 

Rebecca would not have guessed that. “Are your foster sisters overly protective of you?” 

Roy gave her a sideways smile. “They are, but I’ve always been the pain in their ass, There was less protection and more teaching me to be a gentleman.”

She rolled her eyes. “Look how that turned out.” 

He chuckled. “I just like to go out with the ladies,” he said as an excuse for his behavior. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” He pointed to her. “You like to go out. Hawkeye was telling me that you always get the cute guys.” 

“I’m particular over my standards.” She giggled as she thought back to her dates. “I need a strong rich man.” 

Roy almost choked on his bread. 

“I grew up in Central,” she added. “This East City life is a bit boring. Going out sometimes cures the dull.” 

Roy nodded. “I grew up in Central too. But,” he shrugged, “having time to sit back and relax is nice too. I’d hope that I’d go to Central for a promotion because I’m not sure I’d like to live there long term.” 

“What are you talking about? There are more dateable women there!” 

Roy nodded. “There is… that is true.” He picked up his bread slice, taking a slow bite. 

Rebecca started to feel more at ease as they talked. Roy had a charm about him that made it easy to talk to him. In some ways, she felt like she could have been talking to a dear friend, like Riza. He poured her wine for her, smelling his own as he swirled the glass. 

“It’s not going to hurt you,” she remarked with a giggle. 

“Maybe I just like the smell of a robust red.” 

He suddenly didn’t seem out to impress her, but was in the same ship as her where they were both there because they had to so they might as well enjoy themselves. He didn’t really boast as much as she thought he would. Instead, Roy was constantly keeping the topic on her. He seemingly wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to know little things like how she liked to spend her mornings, how much sugar she likes in her coffee, to what brought her to the military. 

“I had to be able to stand up against my brothers,” she told him. “And I was bored.” 

He was eager to listen to her, even when she rolled her eyes at some of the things that she had to deal with. 

“What about you and Riza,” she asked as he poured the rest of the bottle in her glass. “She is stubbornly glued to your side.” 

He chuckled. “Would you like some more wine?” He waved the bottle at her. 

She debated. He was paying. “You choose the next bottle,” she relented. “But you still have to answer what you are leveraging against her to keep her so close. What is it about you that she loves?” 

Roy sighed through his nose and set the bottle down. “We met in Ishval and …” he chuckled. “We got close.” 

“You fucked Riza!” 

Roy lowered his hand to tell her to be quiet. “No,” he argued quickly. “We just got close. Neither of us liked what was happening and we decided to team up, if you will, to make things different from the inside.” 

She raised her eyebrow. “Make things different?”

“Change can be good,” he smirked. 

“Change can be treason,” she countered lowly. 

Roy chuckled. “I’m ambitious, not treacherous,” he clarified. “Riza just told me that she will make sure that I never stop being a good person.” 

“So she really is your nanny.” 

He laughed loudly. “She manages my office quite well, yes.” 

Rebecca laughed and watched Roy order a second bottle. “And not a cheap one,” she ordered. 

“How dare you assume I’d drink cheap anything.” He put his hand over his heart and looked hurt. “For your information, Ms. Rebecca, I am a man of high standards.” 

She raised her eyebrow and snorted a laugh. 

“The cheap ass bottle of whiskey in my desk doesn’t count.” 

Rebecca burst into laughter. 

“I’m sure Riza told you.” 

She shook her head as she continued to laugh.

“So you didn’t know?” 

She shook her head as her palm muffled the laugh. 

He rubbed his face holding in the laugh that threatened him. “You didn’t know?” 

Her fists balled up, shaking as her whole body quivered with laughter. 

Roy grinned at her reaction. “Fine,” he raised his hands in defense. “I drink cheap whiskey, but good wine on a date?” 

Rebecca held herself from hitting the tabletop as she continued to laugh. 

“Do you always buy fancy wine?” He leaned back in his seat and swirled his glass. She was sure enjoying herself. Though he usually had more of a professional and traditional dating experience, one where he goes out and treats the girls like princesses, Rebecca seemed to lighten the atmosphere. She made everything so much more casual just by being there. Riza was right though, she also wasn’t the traditional type of date. If Roy was going back to the bet, he now understood why Riza didn’t expect him to get a second date. Rebecca was able to put him on the back burner so quickly and just make the night as if they were friends going out. Roy chuckled inside. He’d love to see her on a real date when she wasn’t expecting anything. 

She shrugged. “I like to get together with friends, but usually it’s just whatever is brought.” She used her napkin to wipe her lips of her laughter and begin to compose herself. 

“You should more often.” Roy loved some things to the side as a new bottle was brought to them. “Wine like this suits you.” 

“What do you mean by that, Mustang?” She reached for the bottle but Roy grabbed it first, grinning how to win as he poured her another glass. 

“I mean that you are a bold woman who knows what she wants in life,” he complimented. “You are the youngest in a family of 7 with all-male siblings, you joined the military because why not, and you just ate a ribeye in the sexiest manner I have ever seen a woman eat a slab of beef.” 

She raised her eyebrow with a smirk and Roy prepared himself for a snarky remark back but instead, she wiped her mouth with her napkin. 

“You’re proof enough that I need more women on my team,” he raised his glass to her. 

Rebecca waved her hand to dismiss the toast. “I do have to say,” she countered, “that you’re not as bad as I thought you were going to be.” 

“There’s still the rest of the night,” he snickered, raising an eyebrow suggestively. 

“No,” she shook her head. “I must be going, actually.” The gentle wave of alcohol was sitting nicely with her. She could feel the effects coming on as she started to look more and more at his suit. 

Roy raised his finger to call for the check. “Let me walk you out,” he quickly offered. 

She held in a blush. She wanted him to stand up so that she could get a better view of his form and bold shoulders. She watched the softness of his hands as he flipped through his wallet to pay the waiter and how gentle his smile was. His hair fell over his eyes, swaying with the tilt of his head. It could have been how personable he was, or maybe the careful considerations to her like pouring her wine for her or handing her a buttered piece of bread, but Rebecca was realizing what other women saw in him. He really was … charming. 

Roy stood up, buttoning up his suit jacket, and reached for her hand. “Shall we?” 

Rebecca looked up at him before taking his hand slowly. His hand felt warm as she let him help her up. 

“Should I call you a cab?” 

She snapped herself out of it and shook her head. “I live nearby. I can walk.” 

“Let me at least walk you down. I have to walk the buzz off anyway.” 

She wasn’t going to tell him no. She was feeling so good at that point, that she was willing to spend a few more minutes with him. She fought a blush. “I would love to have your company.” 

Roy let go of her hand as he led her from the restaurant and onto the sidewalk. He extended his arm, Rebecca taking it, as he turned to lead her down the sidewalk. It was a cloudy night, the stars were clouded over, with only the streetlights illuminating the walkways. It wasn’t the most romantic of nights as in the environment and Roy would have wished differently as he took small steps with her. He would have made a romantic comment but he still remembered her calling him out on it so he resisted. She was already in a good mood, holding her body close to his. She giggled as she looked down at her steps. 

“I can’t believe that your charm worked on me,” she giggled. 

Roy laughed softly, looking over at her. “You told me no charm.” 

“So I did,” she nodded. She went to say something else as she tripped over an uneven stone. Roy instantly reached out to grab her, pulling her back up and letting her feet catch up to her. “Are you okay,” he asked. 

Rebecca only blinked a few times, taking in his hand on her arm. He reached over, touching her shoulder so they faced each other. 

“Maybe you did have too much to drink,” he chuckled. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get you a cab?”

Rebecca looked up to see the shine in his dark eyes. Yes. The alcohol was getting to her. She looked at his jacket, her hands reaching up to grasp the collar. In one motion she pulled them together and their lips connected. She wasn’t sure why she did it. She could have guessed that his touch on her arm and his gentle voice had brought her to want to taste him. Not very many of her dates resulted in her laughing most of the night and her wanting to hold his arm so closely. Another reason might have been her growing curiosity to what he tasted like. What did all the other women rave about?

The wine was powerful on his lips which slipped against her when he tilted his head to the side. His fingers grasped her shoulder, tightening his grip. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but more like he wasn’t ready for her to pull back quite yet. It was surreal in the most sense because it wasn’t like anything she’d kissed before, however it was everything she was expecting. He had the tender suction, the hiss of his breath in his nose, and the pressure of his nose against her’s. Her lips didn’t hurt as if he was pressing back too hard, but she felt herself in control. He seemed to just let her take advantage of him but didn’t fall back to avoid her. Instead, he leaned forward to let her take charge. It was unexpected. 

As she pulled back, she saw him open his eyes and grin. “For Rebecca Catalina,” he breathed. “That was pretty damn good.” 

“You expected less?” She watched the blush grow on his cheeks as hers felt on fire. 

“I didn’t expect that at all.” And he didn’t. He expected just what Riza said she’d do. Tell him no more dates. If she was kissing him, maybe ensuring another date was just what was needed. “Are you saying that you’ll go out with me again next week?” 

Rebecca stepped away from him and dusted herself off. “I get to pick where we go through. I might want some pasta.” 

After the kiss, Roy was willing to take her anywhere she wanted. He wanted more of her, more of the wine mixed with the strong pepper of her ribeye. He wanted to touch her cheek, curl the stray strand of brown hair that had been bugging him all night over her ear. Instead, he coughed nervously and grinned. “Send me a memo,” he snickered. 

Rebecca patted his chest and turned from him. “I’ve got it from here,” she assured. “You better run along before we make more bad decisions.” 

At least she was thinking the same things he was. Or at least he assumed she was. There was no helping him watching her backside as she walked away either. Riza was right. She was one hell of a woman that he had to wrangle a grasp on. But damn was it not worth it. Even if it was a bet, he’d be happy to take her out again. They could go earlier in the night so they had more time together, and he’d take her to her apartment properly next time. Roy grinned. She surprised him, next time he’d catch her off guard. 

* * *

Roy put his feet up on his desk as his Lieutenant walked into the door. “Good morning,” he greeted loudly with a grin. 

Hawkeye raised her eyebrow and walked carefully over to her desk. “You’re here early.” 

Lieutenant Havoc walked in next. “Whoa! You are here early?” His eyes widened. “Please tell me the date didn’t go as well as you’re making it look.” 

“She kissed me,” he bragged. 

“She did not,” she countered, sitting down calmly. 

“She did,” he argued back with a grin. “We’re going out again next week!” 

“Who was it?” Havoc sat down at his desk as his shoulders slumped. 

“It was Lieutenant Catalina.” 

“Rebecca!” Havoc cried out. “You’re just out to get me!” 

Hawkeye looked up at the second lieutenant. “Oh, that’s right. She said that you two dated. For the record, she said she liked you, just needed someone with a backbone.” 

“Ouch,” the colonel insulted. “I guess I have a backbone.” 

“Will you quit,” Havoc cried. “You robbed me of a date with the Hawk’s Eye and won a second date with the one girl in this God-forsaken base that liked me!” 

Mustang laughed loudly, proudly, dropping his feet to the ground. “I told you that I could get any woman.” 

“You still haven’t gotten Hawkeye!” Havoc pointed to Hawkeye. 

“And I will not,” she said quickly. She looked sternly to Mustang. 

He picked up a paper, shaking it out as he looked over it. A loud crack of Havoc’s head hitting his desk. 

Hawkeye sighed as she looked towards the pouting Havoc. “Colonel,” she said firmly.

Colonel Mustang knew what she was about to say and raised a hand to stop her. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. He turned to his second lieutenant. “What can I do to help you be happier and more productive in your love life?”

Havoc mumbled something from his desk. 

“How about you do go out with Hawkeye.” He offered. “But only for educational purposes.” 

Havoc mumbled something again. 

Colonel Mustang grinned and leaned back in his chair. “Still though… I did get a second date with the undateable Catalina.”    
  


**Author's Note:**

> A little fun, right? Not really happy about putting poor Jean down any more than I had to. I love Jean too much. He's getting his good stuff coming soon. I just need to get off my sad ass and write it. 
> 
> Just thought I'd do something a little untraditional. I know that I've played around with it before, but hey! Why not!? And you get good humor in it at least. Let me know how you like it, or you don't. HAHA Thank you for reading.


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